Why Physical Discipline is Physical Abuse

Let’s talk about physical discipline. There are two lines of thought about it. One says that it has existed forever, that their parents did it, and that it “worked for them”. The other side of the argument is that it is physical abuse, is a crime both legally and morally, and that it is ineffective. Obviously I take the latter view. Here I shall explain why. In full disclosure, I was physically disciplined as a child, so my views are biased. At the end, I have included source information. I highly encourage everyone on both sides of this issue to read the last source.

First off, let’s discuss the effectiveness of physical discipline. Many studies have shown that it works in the short term. It is usually effective at curbing bad behavior for about two weeks. There is a flip side to this, and after the two weeks, there is a kick back phenomenon, where the child returns to the negative behavior in a larger capacity. In the long term, (ie. trying to change behavior permanently) physical discipline simply doesn’t work. It has been proven time and time again that firm command/expectation oriented discipline, however, does work.

It has also been noticed that when parents physically punish their children it is due to numerous factors including stress, disadvantageous lives (low income or low education), and cultural backgrounds (including racial and religious settings). Now in case you didn’t notice, those reasons relate to THE PARENT, not THE CHILD. The parents feel frustrated so they take it out on the children. Any time a parent makes a decision about their children based on themselves, the child will suffer, if not physically then emotionally. Saying that you won’t do something because your parents did it (or vice versa) is bad for your children. Treat them as individuals, not extensions of yourself.

One study even found that the more physical punishment a child receives, the more defiant they are and the less they can empathize with others. That’s called sociopathic behavior. In a combination of 27 studies, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM found that children were MORE aggressive, not less aggressive over time. A separate analysis of 13 studies found that 12 of them documented a link between physical punishment and antisocial behavior. There is also a link between physical discipline and mental health issues. These issues are usually depression, anxiety, and addiction. This has been proven worldwide. The worse news is that these mental health issues persist into adulthood. So even though the physical punishment has stopped, the damage is long term. Plus, the lessons learned as a  child are carried into adulthood, thus the child, now an adult, will believe that violence is an acceptable form of attitude adjustment. The more people were physically punished as children, the more likely they are to physically punish their spouse.

The main reason I am against it, is that it uses fear and pain to regulate behavior, rather than showing WHY that behavior should be changed. The child would stop doing whatever it was to avoid being in pain, rather than because it was wrong. It also ends up associating the parent with pain, which diminishes the parent’s authority. That leads to the child not trusting the parent, leading to more negative behavior. More importantly, from the child’s perspective, all they know is that <action> causes <pain>. They don’t learn that instead of <action> they should do <alternative action> to avoid <pain>. Some studies have shown that the child thinks that the parent is mad at them, rather than trying to change their behavior. From another standpoint, once it has been established that <action> causes <pain>, and the person enforcing <pain> is gone, there is no reason to avoid <action>. Perhaps worst of all, parents who physically punish their children often tell the child that they are doing it “because they love” the child, thus the child associates <love> with <pain>.

As far as the long term is concerned, physical discipline has been linked to negative behavior as an adult. It has been linked to aggression and socipathy as an adult. It has been linked to increased desire for aggressive body modifications (tattoos and piercings). I would argue that it could also be linked to some sexual fetishes, though that has not been studied.

Now for the solution. Let’s assume that you have a child that does something unacceptable. In this example, let us say “throwing a ball in the house”. Rather than physical discipline, explain that throwing the ball in the house can break something important or hurt someone. Then tell the child to play with the ball outside.  Now let us break this down. First, we associate <action> with <consequence> not <pain>. It’s not about the CHILD, it’s about the BEHAVIOR. It shows the child WHY the behavior is not acceptable. Next, by telling the child to play outside, you are offering an alternative. The child would get to play ball, your vase wouldn’t get broken, and the child is able to sit down. Note that you TELL the child to play outside, in the form of an order. Be as compassionate as you like, but children require rules and boundries. I guess you could offer the child a choice (play outside or do something other than play with the ball in the house). That would enable the child to make their own decisions, but it must be within your parameters.

I’m not saying that parents need to stop being parents. I’m just saying that there is a right way to do things. We as humans should have evolved beyond bullying our children centuries ago. To those who would argue against my points above, read the science. Be willing to accept that your conclusions might be wrong. Just because your parents spanked you, doesn’t mean you have to spank your children. Instead of passing trauma on, how about you do what’s best for your child?

Sources:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/090915100953.htm

http://www.phoenixchildrens.com/PDFs/principles_and_practices-of_effective_discipline.pdf <– Everyone read this. It is very informative.