Sexual Repression

As the Nubian philosophers Salt and Pepper once suggested, let us talk about sexytimes. Baby. If that makes you uncomfortable, then you’re proving my point. When it comes to sexuality, we in the US and most of the Middle East are a bunch of babies. At least babies get to see tits.

There has been a string of “sexual scandals” as of late. They’re nothing new, and have been around since a caveman realized he could put his peepee into the females hoohaa. It just seems like these stories are getting more and more common and more and more press. I’m worried that they are negating from the important issues.

In the 90s, President Bill Clinton led the US into a period of economic success. But he got his dick licked, so he was impeached. President Bush II led us into two wars under false pretenses and tanked the economy. According to a poll this year, more than half of Americans still have a favorable opinion of him.

In the 2000s, something like 20 Republican congressmen who had strong “family values” agendas were caught doing all kinds of things. Ed Schrock, (R-VA), was allegedly caught on tape soliciting sex from a male prostitute. Mark Foley, (R-FL), resigned when accused of sending sexually explicit e-mails to male teenage interns. Larry Craig, (R-ID) was arrested for lewd conduct in a men’s restroom.

And I’m not picking on just the conservatives here. Kennedy maybe possibly but probably did, but even if not, totally would have if he could have, had sex with Marilyn Monroe. Anthony Weiner, (D-NY) sent dick pics. John Edwards, (D-NC) knocked up a chick and filmed it.  Tim Mahoney, (D-FL) replaced previously mentioned Mark Foley, then admitted to multiple affairs and hired (and fired) his mistress.

I think we have made the same mistake with sex that we made with The War On Drugs. We used a primitive way of thinking called the false dichotomy. This logical fallacy is based on the idea that there are only two options. Things are black and white, right or wrong. When applied to drugs, they are either bad (you’ll become and addict and lose your family and people will hate you and you’ll die in a gutter if you even THINK about LOOKING at a marijuana plant), or good (if your doctor prescribed something for you, and only if you use it as directed). When applied to sex, it is either good (married sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation), or bad (everything else).

The problem with this way of thinking is it limits the possibilities, and there may be a grey area. All creatures are driven to reproduce. It’s a fact of biology. To facilitate this process, we evolved pleasurable feelings during sex. I assume those who felt the dopamine, oxytocin and orgasm out reproduced those who felt like they were being flicked by a rubberband. So why are we so ashamed of this? It’s in our nature. Some might say, “see, you even mentioned that sex was for procreation”. Sure. And eating is for survival. Does that banana pie help you survive or do you enjoy the taste?

It is possible to enjoy sex, and not want children. It is possible to enjoy various sex acts that don’t end with an alien looking parasite growing inside you or your partner. It is possible to enjoy sex with multiple people. There is a ton of grey area here. The keys here are consent and legality. Touching children is illegal. Banging your secretary isn’t.

Sadly, our archaic mentality makes people feel this behavior is naughty and aberrant. The thing is, these feelings of guilt or shame don’t actually change our behavior, they just make us hide things. Let’s look at Josh Duggar, who’s story continues to spiral from moral absolutionist to clown whore. He grew up in a sexually repressed family where he was taught that he had to wait until marriage, so much as thinking about sex was a sin, and (maybe, I’m not sure) that even masturbation made his god cry. Yet at the same time, society floods the media with sexually suggestive images. But we don’t talk about it. No. It’s bad. Don’t ask why. Just trust us on it.

Our youth can watch whatever war movie or crime drama or stoner comedy they want. And we will explain why war is patriotic, and the criminals either were caught, or were really smart, and stoners are stupid. But boobies? Those will lead you INTO DAMNATION! That’s the same backwards logic Sharia Law advocates. Let’s not teach our young men to be respectful of women. That’s silly speak. Instead, let’s hide the women away for daring to tempt the man with her having a body.

Is it any wonder that Duggar acted out? He started molesting children when he was a child himself. Rather than seek treatment to try to control his urges, his parents made him help out at church. Then years later he gets busted for paying to join a website dedicated to helping married people get some “strange” on the “side”. He is clearly a sex addict. This will have consequences on his marriage. By all means, he should be punished for what he did to those children, but trying to have an affair?

I wonder how much more we’ll find out about his fucked up family.I wouldn’t be that surprised to find out he was molested himself. If not by his parents, then maybe by a priest. Who knows, and that’s quite irrelevant anyway. Even if he wasn’t abused, the constant barrage of negative association between sexual urges and extreme consequences prevented him from knowing where the fine line was between “I want to do something” and “I’m going to do the thing I want to do”.

I want to rob a bank. I want to give Donald Trump a swirly (but it looks like nature beat me too it). I want to make recently outed child molester Subway Jared (I can’t be bothered to look up his last name) sit on pineapples. I have a little bit of self control, though. Just because you want a thing doesn’t mean you get it. In a healthy environment, Duggar could have said, sure I want to have sex, but I shouldn’t, so I’ll borrow my mom’s Victoria’s Secret Amish Butter Churning Ladies catalog.

Same with all of these anti gay morons. There are two types of these bigots. There are the religious people and the… wait. No. It’s just the religious people. Their religion was written by primitive people who didn’t know that self control was a thing. So, they had to write shit down. “Don’t stab dudes”. “Don’t eat the fish with the claws.” “Don’t take naps with bros, because then the babies won’t come.” Sure it made sense when we didn’t know where the fire moon went at night, but we know better now.

We have to grow up. Seriously. We have to stop with the magical thinking about pregnancy and birth control. We need to stop shaming people for getting laid. We need to stop treating women as sex objects unless they’re super duper hot. One third of 16 year olds have or are having sex. Abstinence only education didn’t work. So let’s work with what we have. Let’s advocate safe sex, and we abso-fucking-lutely need to make sure children and teens feel safe and comfortable talking about this. We have to accept, and counsel, our youth that sex is ok. It’s also ok to wait. When they’re ready to have sex, we need to support them with advice, not humiliation. If we do this correctly, we can encourage them to not get pregnant, not transmit STDs and only have sex with special people.

That’s where we have failed. We have spent decades telling teens that the only way to remain “good” or “pure” is to avoid sex like the plague. Which is back by the way. Have you seen this shit? Anyway, then when they do have sex, they aren’t prepared, they aren’t smart about it, and the cycle continues. With this kind of mentality, you can totally see why so many people don’t see a difference between homosexuality and bestiality. To them, there is none. There is either bible approved sex or there is sin.

Most importantly, we need to focus on the real stories. If a child is being molested, abused, or something even more vile, we need to stop it. Immediately. We are failing our children. Well you people are. I’m not going to have any. Focusing on “oh this guy paid to have sex with a willing person, let’s deride him” bullshit is getting us nowhere, and is kind of holding us back as a society.

Sex between consenting adults (in or out of a relationship) is between them. Not us. I know that we’re so used to the reality TV parade, but just because some people let us watch their personal lives doesn’t mean that we are entitled access to EVERYONE’s personal lives. I know we all love to point and laugh and judge the famous people who do things we don’t like, but guess what? That’s not our concern. It’s a distraction.

Plus, just because we don’t like something, or wouldn’t do it ourselves, doesn’t mean we get to hold other people to our smug self claimed moral standards. Child molestation and having an affair are two different things. One is a crime. The other is not. Until we are mature enough to talk about it, we will continue to be the teenagers of the planet. Laughing maniacally at every road sign for 69th st.