Review: Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Note: First posted to my Facebook page, January 24, 2016

Let’s get into this. First, it was quite good. I thought all the praise was from the nerds getting a new movie, but it was really well done. It was visually stunning. The effect when the force was used was really cool. The plot seemed well paced. The nods to the previous movies seemed predictable though. Especially the cameos.

Let’s, be honest though. This is about space wizards fighting an epic battle between good and evil. It’s basically a more believable Scientology.

Spoilers beyond this point

I liked how the three main females in this were strong but not obnoxious. The alien with the glasses was wise. Leia was a military leader, though that isn’t really shown. She’s the worst cameo in the movie. Rey is a badass. She clearly don’t need no man.

But the black guy. What a useless character. I mean, it’s like they actively forced the black guy to be more black. At some point, and I’m not making this up, he said “droid, please.” He fumbles his way through the movie and his theme is running away. I know the jokes about black people being good at sensing danger, but could they make him any more weak? I was actually surprised that he DIDN’T say “oh no you di’nt”. My argument is that it added nothing to this character. From what I gathered, Fin is supposed to represent redemption. Standing up for what is right, and doing the morally good thing. Fine. I have no problem with that. I just don’t see how “droid, please” helped or was needed. It’s like the producers saw how the neckbeards freaked out when they found out there would be a black storm trooper, and the producers thought… “ooo. Let’s try to make them squeal.” Sure, in the end, he did go back for Rey, and that speaks to his character’s morality. He supports his friends and wants to do the right thing.

Or maybe he just wanted a white woman.

One main problem I had was the lack of light saber duels. There are 1.5 duels in the movie. I say that because Fin starts one, lasts about a minute, gets fucked up, then Rey finishes it. Because she is a badass.

Which brings us to the main villain. Kylo Ren had so much potential. Then he took off his mask. Then, by the magic of the force, he was transformed… into… all the whinyness of Anakin. Just a big ball of teenage angst mixed with super powers. By the end, I just wanted Rey to shove a light saber up his ass so he’d finally have a spine again. With the mask on, he was a force (pun intended) to be reckoned with. With the mask off, he just needed a hug.

BB8 was adorably cute. Captain Phasmorgasma, or whatever the fuck her name was, didn’t have much screen time, which sucked. No one lost a hand?

How did Rey find Fin after her battle with Kylo Ren? It was a snowy forest and it had just been torn apart by earthquakes. How did the Millennium Falcon find Rey after the explosion in said destroyed snowy forest? Why did they make the star killer base a snow planet? Why bother growing trees on it? How much did Mark Hamill get paid?

Anyway. Still a great movie. 4 out of 5 stars