Review: Star Trek Beyond

Every once in a while, I’ll post a short review on a movie I’ve seen. I’ve been posting these to my Facebook page, but I figured, I’ve got this website, so I might as well use it. The first one is for Star Trek Beyond. I’ll warn you before I mention spoilers.

This is very JJ Abrams Trek. There weren’t a fuckton of lens flares, but it was visually exciting and action packed. If you liked the rebooted Star Trek, then you’ll probably like this. The twist at the end isn’t obvious at all *cough*Kahn*cough*, but it still felt out of left field.

Overall, I left the movie feeling… fine. Like, it wasn’t a bad movie. It wasn’t rushed. I enjoyed it. I just didn’t care. I wasn’t really invested in it. I really liked the easter eggs, but overall, it was just an action movie. There really weren’t any high stakes. The villain’s motivation wasn’t clear until almost the end of the movie, and then it just felt shoehorned in and didn’t really make a whole lot of sense. I really really liked their version of the universal translator. I feel like that’s how it would be in real life.

I think that each of the actors got a chance to shine, especially the women, without anyone being over shadowed (maybe Chekov). It was a two hour movie, but it didn’t feel that long. I think the pacing was really well done. I don’t remember feeling bored. Sadly, this was a by the numbers action movie. The only thing Trekkie about it, was that it had the logo in various places. This entire plot could have taken place in the Battlestar Galactica or Firefly universes, and not much would have to change.

Spoilers from here on

Ok. Now let’s get into this. What the fuck was Krall’s plan? So he’s a war hero (and nice tip o’ the hat to the Xindi), and is forced to join Star Fleet because war doesn’t matter anymore. I’m with it so far. Then he gets bored and finds a planet that magics him to live forever and look like an alien. And now he wants to kill people because… he’s bored? It seemed like his motivation was “I like fighting, so now everyone else has to, and if you don’t, I’ll kill you”. And that whole back story was shoved in at the last second, I assume, because Idris Elba was tired of wearing the makeup.

Jaylah was awesome and I loved every scene with her in it. I don’t want to spoil too much, but the line, “My house is breaking” was absolutely my favorite line of the movie. She kicked ass, and was funny.

Kirk seemed to take a backseat for a lot of the movie. Like, it felt like he was an equal cast member, not a headliner. I don’t mind, but it felt weird. Bones and Spock had some great moments, though is it just me or is this Spock closet emo. Like I get that he was going through stuff, but he seemed to be trying too hard to show that he was hurting so that he could say that he was fine.

I don’t remember much about the Original Series, because I didn’t like it. But was Sulu always a major character? It seems like the reboots really give Sulu things to do instead of just fly the ship. I don’t remember much about Chekov in this movie, other than him following Kirk.

Uhura also kicked ass in this movie. Literally. She was fearless and stood up for her self. She don’t need no man. I was half expecting her to do the snapping “oh no you di’nt” thing.

One side note, did anyone else feel like Krall’s second in command had more going on? It seemed kind of like the Nemesis plot, in that Shinzon had that one dude “advising” him, in a Dick Cheney sort of way. But in this movie, nothing ever happened with it. Dude had these seemingly important stares, and then nothing. I thought it might be Jaylah’s father, but nope. Just Random Baddie 34534.

I loved the nod to the NX class ships. And the nod to Q. And the similar outcome for Jaylah and the blond from The Voyage Home. And the wallmaster from Legend of Zelda. Yeah yeah yeah. I know it’s a reference to an episode from the Original Series.

The motor cycle visual effects were interesting but didn’t feel like they belonged. There was a scene at the end, where a particular scene speeds up to show the passage of time. Doesn’t match anything else in the movie. Kirk’s plan to finish the bad guys was just “hey, Paramount, can we have a budget to blow a bunch of shit up? Thanks”. I guess it was kind of creative, but the dialog was really fast techno babble, so they could explode stuff. No threat anymore. Just bang.

There was something that instantly bothered me in the movie, but I can’t remember what it was. Maybe it was how physics works in the space station. I can’t remember. I think it was weird that I saw it on opening Friday, but there were only 20-30 people there. Granted, there has been minimal promotion for the movie, which is bizarre to me, since this year is the 50th anniversary of Star Trek. Oh. And the first scene. That went from “tense” to “slapstick” way too fucking quickly.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on it. This wasn’t a bad movie. Just wasn’t great. 2.5 out of 5 stars