Religious Duties

Hey religious people: You know how you’re paranoid and worried that people like me are going to come into your homes, take your children and undo your brainwashing by taking them to our science camps, turn your churches into brothels, and forbid you from worshiping your sky faerie? Well if you don’t want that to happen, you kind of have to earn it by proving that you’re not dangerous. The first step is to control your crazies and stupids.

Now, I realize that in order to believe in a talking snake, legislative burning bush, living in a big fish for days, the entire Moses story, Noah’s ark, and the millions of other ludicrous stories in the bible you have to be a little crazy. But I’m talking about the violent crazies. The ones the news call “terrorists” but who are really just “unstable”. Control these fuckers, or we will. And you’ll be caught in the cross fire… pardon the pun.

Now onto the stupids. Take for example, Herbert and Catherine Schaible (pictured) who belong to a fundamentalist branch of Christianity that advocate prayer instead of medicine. Recently, their 8 month old child died of diarrhea and breathing problems because prayer apparently doesn’t have as much power as Vicks and Pepto Bismol.

This would be a sad story except for the fact that THE SAME FUCKING THING HAPPENED TO THEIR OTHER CHILD FOUR YEARS AGO. In 2009 a different child had bacterial pneumonia. They prayed and their child still died. They were put on probation and were legally FORCED to take their children to doctors. Imagine that. These idiots are so backwards they have to be forced to take care of their SEVEN OTHER children. Because clearly, their god can’t.

This reminds me of Mark Wolford, a West Virginia preacher who often handled poisonous snakes to prove his faith in god. In a completely not at all expected turn of events, the snake bit him and he died. Tragic. Except that his father, who was also a preacher, died because he, too, handled poisonous snakes to prove HIS faith in god.

One definition of insanity is, “repeatedly doing an action, expecting a different result”. I think this goes beyond insanity and into the realm of blatant stupidity. I’m actually fine with these stupid people dying off. Less morons in line in front of me. What I can’t stand is the INNOCENT CHILDREN that were murdered due to stupidity and negligence. These religious nut jobs are always telling us that fetuses (fetusi?) are children and we need to keep them alive, but what about the children that are already here? Just let them die? If you’re pro life, be pro life.

Religious people often get mad at me because I’m always mocking their nutty beliefs. Well stop making it so fucking easy. I mean, honestly, I don’t  care what you believe. I only care when it impacts the lives of others. If you want to shove knives up your twat to worship your god, have fun. But if you take that knife up someone else’s twat, then I have a problem with it. Especially when people die, and especially when those who died were children.

Sure, religion has done some great things in history. But that’s not really making up for this shit. Now, I recognize that these are just the fringe elements of your cults. Fine. But it’s hard to take you seriously when these are your fellow believers. So if you want religion to exist in the next century, you few sane ones need to take your religions back and stop these crazies and stupids from becoming the poster children of your faith.

As the years go by, more and more people are waking up to the realization that religion is holding them back. You’re losing the gay war. In the meantime, people are getting more and more extreme in their beliefs. The more extreme they get, the more rational people see religion for what it is. A lie used to control people. We will only stand for so much. Eventually we will have to step in to stop you from poisoning society. If you want to stay relevant, you’re going to have to prove to us that your religions are safe. So once again, regain control, or we will.