Fun With Numbers: 2016 Presidential Election

I’m writing this March 8th, 2016, so there are quite a few caucuses (caucii?) to go. That said, the media has been doing absolutely everything they can to diminish Bernie Sanders as a candidate, and everything he’s accomplished so far. In full disclosure, even though I’m not a journalist, and this website is just for me to complain about stuff and make dick jokes, I am a supporter of Bernie Sanders, and plan to vote for him in the WA caucus, later this month.

Let’s start with the clown party. The Replicants… no. That’s not right. The Republicans. The nominee requires 1237 delegates to win. As of right now, pumpkin shaped chia pet of hate, Donald Trump is the front runner, with 390 (32%) delegates. Next is evil weasel dressed as Count Dracula, Ted Cruz, with 303 (25%) delegates. Then comes escaped Sunday school teacher, Marco Rubio with 154 (12%) delegates. WAAAAAAAAYYYYY in last place is the sanest of the crazies, John Kasich with 37 (3%) delegates. The delegates of the candidates who have dropped out, are not counted here.

Donald Trump (32%) has almost as much as the three other candidates combined (40%). Or as the media reports it, “it’s anyone’s game”, and “Cruz still has a chance”. Except for Kasich, who, when compared to the others, seems like an adult. So clearly, he’s not a real option.

On the Democrats’ side, it get’s confusing, because of the Superdelegates. Arguably, the least powerful of Marvel’s characters, they vote based on whim. They are not bound by popular vote, or what the people want. They can change their mind, and are beholden to no one. Well, except for their own interests. I’m sure this is just a coincidence, but most of them have rallied behind Hilary Clinton, who is clearly a “career politician”, including the negative connotation that comes with that phrase. Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders is fighting against special interests and the money they generate for candidates, so very few superdelegates have supported him. Or maybe they just don’t like Sanders’ hair.

Anyway, let’s ignore the superdelegates for now. The nominee requires 2383 delegates to win. Hilary Clinton currently has the lead with 676 (28%) delegates, while Bernie Sanders has 476 (20%) delegates. Legend has it that there were other candidates, but they’ve dropped out and were never seen nor heard from again.

Now, to be fair, when you include the superdelegates, the scales are considerably shifted in Clinton’s favor, moving her to 1147 (48%), while Sanders stays roughly the same at 498 (21%). Keep in mind, however, that superdelegates only make up 15% of the total delegate count. Again, not counting the superdelegates, Clinton and Sanders are really close. (28% to 20%). Or as the media reports it, “Hilary is sodomizing Sanders with a rusty medieval dildo of cancer”.

How does this work? I mean, I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but there’s clearly an effort on the media’s part to direct elections. Sanders got almost no mention towards the beginning of the campaign. After every significant increase in momentum for Sanders, the pundits laughed it off. “Look at the silly Jew boy who thinks he can be president. Hahaha”. During the most recent debate, there was a clip of Clinton clearly interrupting Sanders, who said, “excuse me, I’m talking”. In that SAME clip, a few seconds earlier, Clinton was talking, and Sanders said “Ohhh” and then stopped to let her finish. Or as the CNN headline ACTUALLY said, “Bernie Sanders: Candidate Cuts Off Hillary Clinton During Argument at Democratic Debate”. Seriously? You’re going to show the clip in it’s entirety, and lie about it’s contents? What the fuck? Then a bunch of Social Justice Warriors were calling Sanders a sexist. Because Clinton interrupted Sanders, he’s at fault, somehow.

Now, don’t get me wrong. If Sanders doesn’t get the nomination, I will gladly vote for Clinton. She’s far better than any of the lunatics from the Racists… no. That’s not right. The Republicans. However, I support Sanders more. I’d just like to see some impartiality from the media. Their job used to be to report the news. That was easy when they just had a few hours to fill. Now that there are so many 24 hour news channels, and they constantly need to worry about ratings, they added “pundits” who are just people with opinions. Now they offer opinions in the context of reporting the news. It’s strayed from “here are the facts” to “here’s what I think about the facts”, but the average American can’t tell the difference. They see the clean cut white guy or the pretty white lady making sounds come out of their faces, and the channel says “news” so they must be reporting the news.

Trump’s predecessor in the “dingbats with dangerous delusions” category, Sarah Palin, loves to deride the “liberal media” for misrepresenting her. You know, by quoting her. Now I’m deriding the liberal media for putting their own best interests ahead of the country. No one wants to upset the status quo because that’s the tender nipple from whence the money flows. Except for Sanders, who the media says is “undelectable”. You know how they know that? BECAUSE THEY KEEP SAYING IT. Remember that childhood phrase, “whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right”? That’s what the media is doing. They know that Americans are mostly uneducated and easily manipulated, so they are just using their magical TV powers for evil. “Hilary will be the Democratic nominee. Hilary will be the Democratic nominee. Hilary will be the Democratic nominee.”

So if you’re interested in politics, and if you want this country to stop being the source of planetary mockery, consider actually looking at the candidates and their policies. Look at what they’ve supported and what they are against. Ignore the media. Learn from the facts. Then vote.