Adoption Again

I had a short, though frustrating, conversation yesterday with someone. We were talking about how Steve Jobs was adopted. I said that the biological parents should be rewarded for giving their child a chance through adoption. He said that it was the parents obligation to raise the child and if they couldn’t raise the child, they shouldn’t have sex.

In a perfect world, this argument might make sense. The problem is that people continue to have sex regardless of the consequences. As much as I wish the phrase, “If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime,” really curbed criminal behavior, it doesn’t. While I agree that people shouldn’t have sex until they are ready to face the consequences (STDs, birth, etc), the sad reality is that humans don’t work that way. Especially when the sex drive is such a powerful primal impulse.

Now, it doesn’t matter what you think about abortion. I am too lazy to get into my odd theories about it. If you really want to you can click here. To sum it up, I prefer adoption. I am not anti abortion, but I think it should be a last resort. That said, during this debate I had, the other person missed (and quite frankly refused to acknowledge) the main point. It’s not about what the parent should or shouldn’t do. It’s all about what is best for the child. I’ll repeat and emphasize that.

It’s not about what the parent should or shouldn’t do. It’s all about what is best for the child.

That’s all that matters. I don’t care if you are rich or poor. I don’t care if you are smart or stupid. If you can be a good parent, fine. If not, it is your obligation to society to give your child a better chance through adoption. Oddly enough, it seems that the more someone should give their children up for adoption, the more they refuse.

You may ask how I identify good parents. It’s quite simple. A parent MUST provide a safe, encouraging environment.  They MUST stimulate intellect and foster emotional and physical growth. They MUST allow the child to develop and differentiate from the parent. Now, while I didn’t mention money specifically, it does play a role. Without money, you can’t provide a safe home, so yes, money does play a factor. You have to buy clothes for a child. You have to buy food for a child.

Next, this person (who was grasping for straws) mentioned that sometimes the adoptive parents are abusive. Sure, I will concede that. However, you can’t use the minority to diminish the majority. The two or three percent of adoptive parents that are abusive shouldn’t out weigh the 97 percent of good families out there that provide for children.

Adoption is such a great thing and it offers such an amazing chance to children. It really disappoints me that so many people out there are so unevolved. Once you become a parent, you no longer think about yourself. You should only think about the child. If you are so selfish that you insist on keeping it even though it is obvious to everyone else you will be a terrible parent, you should suck up your pride and give your child the best life you can, even if it’s not with you.